Wazoo fight club

[Rusty Trosclair]

Okay, here is the deal. What if everyone at Wazoo got into this huge brawl? Who would win? Who would die? Let's put it to the question!

Joe (with his Elvis glasses) vs. Jason (dressed as Capt. Pepito)

Rusty (wearing Silent Bob trenchcoat) vs. Luke (wearing nothing but a green thong)

Nick (wearing a Wal-Mart vest) vs. Rob (right after he heard 311 died in a plane crash)

Buddy (drunk) vs. Nigel (10 days without drugs, sex or booze)

Let the games begin!!!

Thanks.

[Nick Hebert]

Match 1 (Curtain Jerker for "the workers")

Joe vs. Jason
winner - Joe

Jason would need get into a fit of rage quite like the time of the David Hebert brick incident to match up with Joe on this one. We all know Jason would beat Joe in a race to see who gets naked first, but a battle to the death, Jason would end up getting into his Gayo character and convince Joe to join him in a little buttsex rather than a brawl...
Finish: the fight never begins...

Rusty vs. Luke
winner: Rusty

Rusty is a solid little man. I'm sure he could outsmart any of us and con us into doing basically anything. Luke boyesh, good looks and sexy demeanor won't be enough for him here. This fight has been years in the making. These two have more lovers' spats than any couple I know...
Finish: Luke hooks Rusty in his viscious figure-4, but Rusty reverses it and Luke taps...

Nick vs. Rob
winner: Nick
God, if only this would be true.
this needs no explanation.

Buddy vs. Nigel
winner: Buddy

A few years ago, Buddy would have been too nice to Nigel to really hurt him. Now Buddy probably would kill Nigel with his bare hands then sleep with Nigel's mom.
Finish: Buddy takes out all his marine rage in a flurry of kicks and punches, and Nigel ends up looking like TJ Sullivan's head after the Nigel/TJ chair slinging/fight...

[endlessjoe]

This is a great thread. Anyway, here's my take on it.

1st Match: Winner - Joe
Jason would be busy talking about cutting my face off in the Captain Peppito accent, and with my Elvis shades rockin' to the full effect, I'd judo chop him in the throat. End of fight.
Finish: Bad-ass judo chop to the throat....followed by the quick consumption of a peanut butter and banana sandwich in memory of the King.

2nd Match: Winner - Rusty

It is widely known that Luke is a lover, not a fighter. Rusty, however, is a stout, grizzly man with a hard-on for gore. Luke would run at Rusty, flailing at him girlishly. Rusty would then blind Luke by doing a bad-ass death-metal hair windmill. As Luke screamed in pain, Rusty would reach his hand up Luke's ass and use him like a hand-puppet until Luke died from blood loss.
Finish: Rusty's anal hand-puppet maneuver, after which he would sit down quietly on a bench and read a book.

3rd Match: Winner - Nick

Rob is one of those peace-loving hippie types, so he'd probably be too pre-occupied with reciting Blind Melon lyrics or something. Nick would quickly rush in and monkey stomp him into oblivion.
Finish: Nick would stomp Rob's tiny, malnourished body into the sod....then, laugh, twiddle his thumbs, and eat some sunflower seeds (while making sure to spit the shells out on Rob's corpse).

4th Match: Winner - Buddy

This is no contest. Buddy is a brutal beast of a man, and Nigel can't fight his way out of a paper bag. Buddy would eat a burrito, then Nigel would slap it out of his hand with some misguided, girly punch. Buddy would then grab Nigel by the throat, raise him over his head, and tear his body in half. As the blood from Nigel's ripped open torso gushed onto Buddy's head, he would drink it and laugh maniacally.
Finish: Buddy would drink Nigel's blood, and devour his soul. He would bathe in the evil glory.

[Robert Acosta]

Joe vs. Jason
... while I've only heard about the incident with the brick, i HAVE seen some of joe's videos from the past hanging out with nigel ... i think by understanding these elements one would realize joe would def. take on jason. jason would be too busy getting naked and fondeling XLR inputs

Rusty vs. Luke
I do not know luke, and i barely know rusty... but i have seen rusty dressed as a woman cook before - i have to judge this based on that ... rusty wins

Rob vs. Nic
haha...

Buddy vs. Nigel
I'm sure Buddy's marine style fighting would come out, but I really do not know who would win... I'd enjoy watching though

[Jason/Peppito]

1) Joe vs. Jason
winner - Joe
The Elvis-like Judo Chop would most probably knock me to my knees. While in pain, I'd try to come back with a wide open mouth and attack Joe's crotch, by biting his junk off. But here's where the fight would end. Joe's massive fuckin cock would get stuck about 3 feet down into my esophagus. I'd let out a very digusting, gurgling type sound and instantly pass out. Then, he'd wake me up, we'd watch the video of it, and laugh like morbid clowns!

2) Rusty vs. Luke
winner: Rusty (We're talking family here dammit! Of course I'd pick Rusty)
Luke would try using his cat like quickness to tire out Rusty. But it wouldn't even phase Rusty. Rusty would get his hands on Luke and rip his limbs apart and make confetti out of it. Look for Josh Robert to make a cameo in this fight. He'd sneak in a few cheap shots on Luke while Rusty would distract the ref!

3) Nick vs. Rob
winner: Nick
Short and sweet! Nick would be pummeling on Rob and playing Madden 2004 at the same time. Rob would try to center his chi on some random bullshit 311 lyrics, just to take his mind off the pain. This would of course fuel Nick's fire and the blows would become way more intense!! By the end of the fight, Rob would have a huge dent in his forehead!

4) Buddy vs. Nigel
winner: Buddy
Oh please! This wouldn't even last 10 seconds! A quick "Haunting Wind Fist" to Nigel's sternum and he'd be dead! Done deal! Bring on the popcorn and Kool-Aide!

[poppycock]

i would

[Gorg Pit]

Round 1
Joe versus Jason
winner Joe , bt during the course of the fight, he scalps Jason and adds his hair to the side burns of fear

Rusty versus Luke
lots of homosexuality in this match, but in the end, when the smoke cleared Rusty's coat would still be standing, only it would be on luke and luke's Thong would be wrapped around rusty's cold dead neck

Buddy versus Nige
one word.... FURY!!!

Nick versus Rob
Nick would pummle Rob into oblivion as Rob tried to scramble away from the assault that is Nick. After beating Rob, Nick (being extreamly tired) makes his way to his car. WHen he gets there I jump him with metal pipes, bludgeon him into unconciousness and take his spot in the next round wearing a fat suit.

[ataribug]

Hmmm, seems tough, but these are how I think the results would go....
1) Joe - the ghost of young Elvis would take him over and after many hip moements, jason would be trampled to the death by many clogged healed minors.
2)I am saying luke for only one reason... and just for clarification jorj stole my answer!!!!!!
the match would be neck and neck, then by some sunint he eye move rusty would get the upper hand, then just when you think rusty has it, luke would take off the thong and strangle rusty with it making him powerless because then he realizes where the thong has been.
3) Rob - flaw to walmart vest, it can make you lazy at the worst time.
4)draw, but it would be the coolest fight in the world!

and NEVER tell JORJ the cool ideas becasue he steals them!

[Shiitake Mushroom-head]

This reminds me of the old BYW shows. How I miss those days of scaring the Bejesus out of Nick with my Johnny Reb posts....

Well I think I will have to pick only two of these fights to do as they will be long...so here goes.


Rusty v. Luke

Wal-Mart after midnight in the frozen foods meat locker...

Rusty and Luke wake up from being sapped and find themselves hog tied and tethered near a big rack of ribs. Menue stands between them and announces that these two 502 warriors were chosen by a panel of judges to fight it out to the death. As the camera pans the crowd, we can see Shawana and Angie standing between Nick, wearing a pimp robe and hat, who is taking bets on the fight. As Angie begins to rub his thighs with those gloves of hers the camera fades to black.

As the camera fades back in you can hear the crowd chanting Lukes name as we see the two foes standing on the edge of the rear outside dumpster. Luke has Rusty in a tight spot and obviously is planning on sending him headfirst into the bottom. Luke cautiously turns around to moon the crowd in a fit of premature celebration when we see Rusty climb down into the dumpster and grab something. The cameras then focus in on Luke when we see a large metal object swing out of the dumpster and smack Luke in the head. As Luke plumets off the lip of the dumpster onto the concrete below, Rusty is seen crawling out of a ground level door and screaming "I used to dive this dumpster daily, foo!" As Rusty raises his Calecas Hall metal folding chair high above his head, the cameras fade and announce Round 2.

To be continued......

Nick v. Rob:

Very easily, Nick will just Demon Nail Bomb Rob into oblivion.....even though I dont know Rob....but I DO know the Demon Nail Bombs

Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion of Rusty v. Luke

[Shiitake Mushroom-head]

Rusty v. Luke

Round 2...but first a word from our sponsers....."Fuck our consumers".....now back to the show.

The cameras fade back into focus and for some reason we find ourselves in a back office. The sudden change of scenery shocks us all but soon we are treated to a sight that no man on earth should see. There stands the 502 Angie wearing Nick's old nametag necklace and her black weightlifting gloves..but nothing else! As Angie begins to touch herself in those Oh so disgusting ways, we can hear what she is mumbling....Oh God make it stop...she is fanatising about Nick and his man sausage rubbing on her gloves.....

Quick, fade to camera two...find the fight...for the love of God hurry man...

Ah here we are..but what is this? The fight is over? How can this be? Rusty and Luke seem to be still and broken, laying in each others arms. What happened? Where is the instant replay button? What do you mean no one taped the fucking thing. Damnable security cameras. FUCK!!! Well, it does appear to be a draw folks with the only clues to what happened being a frightened looking billy goat, a beach ball, Luke's computer screen, and Paul's guitar.

Wait, I had money on this fight.....the only person to put money on a draw was Nick? The fight was rigged. I demand a rematch...wait, they are both dead? Oh well, fuck it.

[Rusty Trosclair]

Fight One: Joe (with his Elvis glasses) vs. Jason (dressed as Capt. Pepito)

This is one fight the ladies have been waiting all year to see, I must say. To start things, Joe waltzes out to "Idioteque" by Radiohead. This fight is on a random rooftop in Orlando, with the noonday sun beating down. Joe mugs for the crowd and takes off his Elvis glasses to give to a random child in the crowd. However, as he is doing so, Jason, in his Captain Pepito gear, runs out of the other side of the crowd and attacks Joe! Jason whips off the cape and begins to choke Joe with it! As Joe is flailing about, he recalls all of his years of training in Tibet, and begins to meditate. The need for breath soon goes away, and Joe begins to pound the life out of Jason. Joe flashes his sexy tattoos to the crowd as he throws Jason off the building. As Jason falls, he can be heard saying, "I will always love youu...... SPLAT!"
Winner: Joe via the law of gravity

Fight Two: Rusty (wearing Silent Bob trenchcoat) vs. Luke (wearing nothing but a green thong)

This is a fight that has been brewing since the early 1990's. The fight takes place where all fights between Luke and Rusty occur... inside the confines of Rusty's room. Rusty is sitting at his computer desk, when all of a sudden, Winamp starts up and plays "Don't Hate Me Because I'm Beautiful" by Nerf Herder. Luke jumps out of the closet, wearing nothing but his lime green banana hammock. The two lock up, and Luke immediately rubs his junk all over Rusty's leg. Disgusted, Rusty tries to push Luke off of him, to no avail. So, he does what anyone would do. He removes his trenchcoat and tries to wrap it around Luke's head to cut off the oxygen supply (hey, it almost worked for his brother Jason!). Well, it works, so Rusty swiftly attacks Luke with several kicks and punches to the head. Luke doesn't sell a thing, and tosses Rusty right out of the window. Luke follows, ignoring the cuts from broken glass. Luke drags Rusty into his front yard, and holds his head under the pond water until Rusty stops moving! As Luke donkey punches Rusty's dead body, he is heard to scream, "I love you! I fucking love you, why don't you understand!"
Winner: Luke via lungs full of water.

Fight Three: Nick (wearing a Wal-Mart vest) vs. Rob (right after he heard 311 died in a plane crash)

Well, this fight begins with Rob writing a tearful entry in his Live Journal about the death of his favorite band. As he is composing poetry comparing Nick Hexum to Jesus Christ, Nick bursts in the door and smashes Rob's head right into the computer monitor, sending glass and sparks flying. Rob slumps down on the floor, and Nick smashes his head in some more with the monitor and the hard drive. Leaving Rob a bloddy, dead mess, Nick drapes his Wal-Mart vest over his body and puts some lotion on his hands, which were ashy from smacking his hoes.
Winner: Nick via death by monitor

Fight Four: Buddy (drunk) vs. Nigel (10 days without drugs, sex or booze)

This fight takes place with Buddy slumped over a bar, sagging in the stool. Buddy has had several beers and has just lit up his last cigarette. Nigel walks in and tries to start up a conversation. "Hey man, I was wondering if it was okay if I could see Denise now that you two have broken up," Nigel says. He then puts his hand on Buddy's shoulder. Buddy grabs him by the wrist, slams him on the bar, and puts out his cigarette in Nigel's eyes. He then just holds Nigel's nose and mouth closed until asphyxiation does the rest.
Winner: Buddy via lack of oxygen

Well, there you go. As soon as Josh posts his second thread, we'll begin Round Two!

Thanks.

[Shiitake Mushroom-head]

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Now back to our regularly scheduled program...

[pia]

"oh, I should get this for my mutha!!" "Ya know Christmas is coming "

[Kegg]

Who would win if this brawl was in royal rumble format?